A Fine Line between “I’m fine” and “Welcome to the gates of Hell”
There can be a tornado of emotions from ADHD and trauma which create such a horror show of passion and indifference.
A tragic and stigmatized display comes to light when a split decision in one’s mind turns into suicide.
My junior year of high school my best friend stood in front of a train and killed himself at 16, just a young, creative mess with a heart the size of Texas.
To say it changed me forever is a profound understatement.
Mark had all the signs of ADHD, cutting, and extreme impulsive behaviors. But this was in the early 1980’s, and addressing ADHD or self-harming behaviors wasn’t discussed as clearly during this decade.
Please read my article here on Medium called “Lost in a Moment of WHY Instead of How.”
Medical professionals often simply check off a box and ask the question, “Do you have a plan to harm yourself?” It isn’t enough. There is no follow through plan to stop the invasion.
Most people are frightened to be vulnerable, honest or open.
They fear the labels society places on people who bear the medicine ball weight of that shame!
Another reason is many people don’t want to be “locked up “ in some puzzle factory.
COME UP WITH A BATTLE PLAN TO OVERTHROW THESE NOTIONS!
As adults and certainly children, we need a foundation of what I refer to as an “emotional FEMA plan.”
A get out of jail card to stop the train wreck of ADHD.
When someone’s hurting, hit the breaks. Help soothe those traumatic emotions taking your hostage straight off the rails and blindsided by the crazy train platform by holding their hands.
Building a second nature mindful super power that can pull you out of the gyrating dark mania.
This can and often halts a deadly tail spin. It can be the difference between that find line of thinking about a suicidal attempt and that split second response to act or ask for help.
Emergency management consists of five phases: prevention, mitigation, preparedness, response and recovery.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, it can just be a simple breathing exercise. A meditation application you use on your phone.
You can also keep a list of friends who you can simply text “help” to and know someone will respond without judgement.
Looking back there were so many times I should have asked for a helping hand. But I feared how or in what manner this assistance may come.
But we can’t tell help how to help us. Stop pretending that your brain salsa mixture is the correct recipe for success.
Consider your own safe place that makes you feel like a solidly made panic room. Four walls where no boogie man holds the key.
It could be a favorite trail, park, or even head to a place like I adore called “Vincent Van Donught” for the best sweets. Again don’t judge, this article is a safe place. Life and death defenses.
All EMOTIONS are welcomed here!
Take an extra walk with that furry best friend of yours who’s constantly looking for extra time to smell all the “pee-mails” other dogs have left on fire hydrants.
I feel we fail crudely in helping people with ADHD. Instead of just throwing a pill down their pie hole we teach others to seek a comfortable and common path of self soothing.
The power in teaching ourselves to mentally and physically place ourselves into an easy and QUICK skill set zone. Almost as if it was a centered and calm card we can pull out of our pocket and simmer down into solace.
Once you possess that ability to bring yourself back to center, it’s so freeing.
For then no person place or thing holds your happiness.
Almost like placing your mind in “time out” or sending this spinning mess of emotions to a soft, slow place of peace — like feeling your feet on the sand.
Or the silliness of laughing as a kid when you used to spin around a dozen times, then try to walk a straight line. What I loved was the feeling of falling down on newly cut grass.
The smell and security that my dizzy journey was over. I could look up and see the deep blue sky and know I was okay.
People with ADHD don’t know how to emotionally tame the flight or flight tiger. Once the bullets have been loaded it’s tough not to get trigger happy.
I have ADHD and suicidal idealization, and looking at my honest reality can be overwhelming.
I often have a casual relationship with reality. It’s like we are on a bad blind date with ourselves at times.
Instead of medicating everyone and giving them a sterilized environment like a hospital wing; we need to allow them to honestly reveal themselves in a gentle, empathetic and safe space.
Open the barn door and let the fight or flight behavior out, like horses at the starting gate of an perilous panic attack.
Allow that fear to run free from your hearts, minds and souls.
Tragically and ironically Naomi Judd said, “Your body hears everything your mind says.”
I wish there was more professional training and teaching free for people with ADHD. To enlighten them to bring in the reigns when the mania maddens their frontal lobe.
When the mind is writing overdraft checks that the head and mind shouldn’t cash.
We should give them more attention and guidance, showing them how to stop, feel their feet solidly on the ground, exhale and change gears!
There is a scarlet letter “A” on their slow dance with suicide that deplorably identifies individuals like this. Bringing more shame to a soul that’s already unsound.
When combined with shame, isolation and hopelessness, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Support and minimizing isolation are so critical.
The grandest mirror is the reflections of our good friends. Decent humans who walk their talk and stand firmly behind you during the “trust fall.”
My daughter said the lesson she appreciated the most from her me was that I taught her that nothing was forever; change wasn’t to be feared but embraced.
Throughout her life, she continued to learn to meditate and surround herself with genuine friends. She’s got over 20 friends from kindergarten that she still vacations with at times.
Parents need to provide a non-judgmental supportive environment while understanding behaviors. Lift your kids heads up from their phones or take the game player out of their hands. Listen to them and really see them.
Lastly, parents can reinforce adaptive coping strategies and seek formal assessment and treatment options with mental health professionals.
It is essential to realize that self-harm is a serious concern that should not be ignored and treated.
The World Health Organization noted that suicide is the number one killer of teenage girls.
How do we stress the importance of helping people, recognize they’re spinning out, and then hit the pause button to seek some help?
Helping people, recognizing they’re spinning out, and then hitting the pause button to seek help is essential.
Finally, the stigmatization of suicide and self-harming is deadly.
Just as lethal as the act itself.
Just as fatal as the labels given to souls in recovery.
Hayley Williams said, “When you feel like giving up, just remember the reasons why you held on for so long.”
If you are feeling suicidal please seek medical help by simply calling 988.
It is anonymous and police will not be contacted. I have been in recovery since 1999 and sponsored dozens of women in crisis; my email is quintonjeje@gmail.com — my door is always open. Many thanks who do care and go the extra mile to support people with mental health issues.
